Episode #114 – Tips to Say No Without Hurting Someone’s Feelings
Just say no. Trust me, you’ll thank me later. We all want to be nice. After all, isn’t that what we were all taught? Were we not all told to be kind to the many people we meet? Be respectful and considerate of others’ feelings, we’re told.
Along with the kindness, our voices somehow we’ve given up. Taking our ability to say no as guilt, we keep from being free. It’s true, it’s important, and in fact necessary that we treat each other kindly. But not allowing yourself the freedom to not do what doesn’t resonate with you doesn’t serve you.
Maybe the ones we say no to may feel rejected, we believe. I once felt that urge. You know, to show up for those I once labeled friends, which wasn’t true. With the label attached the inability to speak my truth, is something I carry heavily.
I remember the times I would choose not to say no was for the sake of what I thought was called peace. That was my way of protecting them from feeling rejected. I knocked through many doors and quickly found out that I’m not the only one.
Helping others is what I love to do. But staying true to ourselves is what digs deep.
Say No and Feel Good
I know many of us so often ignore our urge to say no by providing comfort for others. We do so because we want to remain in the good grace of others. We figure if we tell them what they want to hear, all will be smooth.
But how good do you truly feel when your need to say no is highjacked by a preferred outcome. I always believed that showing up for a friend was everything. When the phone rang I knew that call meant the opportunity to show up.
To be honest, there were many things I wanted to say no to. But trapped between my truth their perception, I fell short of myself. But it all soon changed for the better. Because, in the end, we all must accept the truth and the way we view it.
Be True to Yourself
As I said before, I was the man. You know the one everyone came to. That’s because a yes was easy to come by. Anything they needed, I was there. I made it all possible and because of this, I wore my friend badge proudly.
How could I say no to my friends when they so rely on me? How do I lose the chance to save the day just one more time? But one day while in need, one of these very friends didn’t save the day for me. It took me a while to realize this, but he didn’t owe it to me at all.
The importance of doing things wholeheartedly is having any expectations of any returns. That means what I did for others, they owed me nothing in return. That was freedom for me because I no longer had to hold them hostage. No longer did they need to live up to something they never signed up for.
From then on it was about my goodness versus an abundance of blessings I would later receive. Comes off a bit cliche, but I can say I owe it to myself at least.
Never Feel Guilty
A healthy relationship allows the other to say no comfortably. That’s what a true friendship is all about. Therefore, to be able to tell your friend, partner, or colleague you are out of service is your freedom. That same freedom I remember I had allowed my friend, I, in turn, wanted to feel.
I wanted to say no without any feeling of guilt. No longer did I want to feel forced to do anything because a label connected you and me. The same freedom I made possible I wanted to be granted. And I made it possible simply by saying no.
It was done simply by giving myself the option to release myself of any dead feelings. These feelings weren’t my true intentions. They were only an illusion of what I believed others would receive. That’s when I realized that those feelings weren’t my creation.
Our belief systems are all built with what we want them with. Meaning, we choose to believe good as we want it to be. I learned to be good with my intentions. With that, when I say no, I don’t say it to set us apart. On the contrary, I say with hopes of bringing us closer. Because when we can both accept each others’ choices, we both coexist freely.
Join me for Episode #115 – Tips to Find Purpose in Times of Adversity. Life is constantly building us. But unfortunately, sometimes we mistake the build for a break. No longer will that be the case after this one.