Episode #39 – Live Through the Loss of A Loved One

It’s hard when dealing with the loss of a loved one. There’s no doubt about it. It’s the most human feeling we all deal with. No matter what walks of life we all come from, dealing with death is just one thing we all find hard to deal with.

We all have our egos to deal with, but even the ego isn’t big enough. Because there’s something about death that just shakes us all inside. Dealing with death isn’t easy and it shows. For some reason, although we know we must all eventually go, it always shakes us up. There’s no brushing it off. It would inhumane to do so.

They say that time heals all things, but when the loss of a loved one is at stake, it seems like an eternity. Each day seems much more longer. And if we fail to change our perspective, the consequences can be life-changing. I remember back in high school my American History teacher once said, “That righthand on the clock doesn’t stop. It keeps on ticking. It stops for no one.”

As insensitive as it may sound, it’s true. Although dealing with death is challenging for us all, time never stops. As a matter of fact, people continue to shop, eat, and assemble. While every life is precious, it can sometimes seem like one doesn’t matter. Because in our minds, the world should feel our pain.

People continue to smile, laugh, and enjoy life. And unless it hits home, it may seem hard for everyone outside of our world to relate. Dealing with a loss one can sometimes halt our way of living. Unless we find a way to move on, we can sometimes find ourselves living there for a long time.

Life Goes On Through Our Dealing with Death

We hear all the time that life goes on, and it should. It would be completely unfair to our existence to allow ourselves to stay stuck. Unfortunately, many of us carry guilt that prevents us from experiencing life fully. We sometimes don’t feel comfortable living our lives as we should. After all, that one person we so love is no longer with us.

How can we smile? How can we laugh? The idea of proceeding may come across as though we don’t care. But is it really? As a matter of fact, in the Jewish culture dealing with death can seem dragged out. After someone has lost a loved one, the mourning period could last an entire year.

Sad enough, many of us die when the ones we love die. We sometimes find ourselves stuck and unable to move forward. The thought of a lost one reigns over us. Our focus shifts and so does the state of our minds. Because in our minds, everything that we had been able to build had been taken away. And everything we had been able to build comes crashing down.

It’s no longer about the memories we’d been able to create. It’s more about the memories we’ve lost. No longer do we focus on our life because the life we are no longer able to experience takes over. It’s as if we die when that loss takes place. But I’m here to tell you, the time is NOW. This very moment still presents us with something precious. And that precious gift lies in the life we have, that one life that we can no longer get back once taken.

Live Now or Forever Hold Your Piece

Life is a beautiful place for us to live in. Now I’m not saying the loss of a loved one should be swept under a rug. That would be far from my truth. But regardless of what life serves us, we should never forget what we’ve been given.

Life is precious and so is every experience and opportunity we’ve been blessed with. Never overlook that gift, because this is one gift, once taken, we are all unable to recreate. This is one gift that we are unable to replicate.

With gratitude, we can get through this. How can we be grateful when we no longer have what we once had some may think? But how can we not? How can we not find it in us to acknowledge everything we have even when we believe we’ve lost everything we’ve been given?

When it’s all said and done, it’s all about the little things. There exist no formula for dealing with death.  I know that gratitude doesn’t take the pain away. And surely doesn’t bring our loved ones back. But one thing it does do is serve as a reminder, a reminder that we are still here. When we are able to live in gratitude, we see things differently. Our focus changes. And with that, a shift takes place.

Just like everyone else, I’ve had my share of losses. But I’ve also had many gains. If there is one thing I believe is that to experience death is to feel life. Because it is only through death do we feel life. Too many times do we take the ones we love for granted. We forget that at some point we must all go. And we forget that our time here is temporary. For me, everyone I’ve lost has served as a reminder of the life I should continue to live. A reminder of why I should always remain full.

The Loss that Allowed Me to Gain

When I lost my grandmother, it wasn’t easy. But it wasn’t as hard as many would think it would be. I loved her dearly. Dealing with death isn’t a walk in the park. That is not what I’m saying at all. The loss of a loved one never is.

After being around her in her last days, babysitting her, and conversing with her daily, I gained so much. I got to understand so much about her. I got to learn so much more than I had ever learned. We spoke, we laughed and even joked about how things would be after her transition. It was a time that I cherish to this day.

Although she left us, she left behind memories for us to cherish. Our conversations continue to bring a smile to my face to this day. There is nothing that can take that away. And for that, I am forever grateful. It is through her death, that I had been reminded of this beautiful life that I have the honor to live. Dealing with death isn’t easy, but dealing with life makes it all the more enjoyable. Therefore, when death comes knocking, live. Live not for the sake of existing, but because it’s a must. Because today, the opportunity presents itself for us to do so. Because it is through our life, others shall find life within themselves. Never neglect the opportunity that life gives us to live.

Join me for Episode #40 – Reigniting Your Life with Passion. Throughout our journey, our life takes the shape of a curve. Through its ups and downs still lies the opportunity to live. It’s not about what happens to us, it’s more about how we choose to navigate through it all.