Episode #86 – Easy Ways to Set Good Boundaries in a Relationship

What are boundaries? Better yet, what is good boundaries? It’s a bit hard to speak on something unless we know exactly what it is we are talking about.

To get us all caught up to speed, let’s address what these good boundaries look like. For those of us that don’t know, it is our taking responsibility for both our actions and emotions. Within this equation we are holding ourselves accountable, not others.

Typically, there are two kinds of people with poor boundaries. There are those that take on too much of the responsibility. And there are those that relieve themselves of all responsibility by placing it on someone else. Interestingly enough, it seems like these two different kinds of people tend to end up in relationships.

I’ll share with you a few poor boundaries you might want to stay away from:

• “I want to talk to you all the time, but you know how my family is about my time. You can have me when I get back.”
• “My co-worker continues to make advances towards me, but I would hate to report it and making things so awkward.”
• “I would follow you all the way across the world, but my family would never forgive me for moving away so far.”
• “I would love to make dinner tonight, but I have a deadline at work that I really need to meet and my boss said I can’t leave until it’s done.”

If you follow the statements I just mentioned you will find that the responsibility taken is different. While some focus on accepting responsibility for others, some are focusing on shifting the blame or accountability onto someone else. Just accept yourself and everything that comes along with it.

Good Boundaries and How it Affects Your Identity

Your identity is measured by the boundaries you set. It is important that you take full responsibility for your actions. Blaming others does nothing positive for you. But as for accepting? it makes all the difference.

When you think about it, those with good boundaries tend to have high self-esteem. That is because when you can stand up or stand out for yourself in different situations, your confidence grows. That’s a sign that you are being empowered rather than denied.

Part of your identity is meshed in how you show up in this world. What you accept or what you refuse to accept is an indicator of who you currently are. How many times do we submit to things that go against everything we represent? How many times have we refused to take a stand for something that we truly believe in?

When we accept fault, we allow ourselves the opportunity to improve. We allow ourselves a chance at progress and growth. When we set good boundaries, we allow ourselves a chance at seeing things from a place of empowerment. That means we get to evaluate the event and how we performed within it.

Why Setting Boundaries is NEcessary

Setting good boundaries is definitely a confidence booster. As I said before, your identity is on the line. What do you want to be known for?

Could you imagine living in a world where you wouldn’t allow yourself to be taken advantage of? As a matter of fact, could you imagine not being the fixer of other people’s problems? Now imagine living in such a manner where your family, partner, and friends’ opinion couldn’t worry you. The best of all is being a  part of dramatic events that you have no business in being a part of.

How does that make you feel? Wouldn’t the idea of showing up this way change your world for the better? I know it would.

Where You Want to Be

We speak about boundaries all the time, but not everyone knows how that looks like. Since it is relationships we speak of, that will be our focus. Too many times do we fall into the trap of codependency. Too many times do we hold others accountable for things that we want. Moving in isn’t always easy for a couple. Sometimes one of the partners is more ready than the next.

Whatever you do for someone, just make sure you’re doing it because you want to. Not because you feel that you must or because of your personal expectations. Allow yourself the freedom to live out you. You are unique along with the things that make you you. Good boundaries not only hold you accountable but also, keeps your identity in check. There is nothing like presenting one’s true self.

Join me for Episode #87 – Easy Ways to Appreciate Yourself Everyday. We spend so much time understanding others that, at times, we forget to understand ourselves. You are the ultimate presence in your world. And for that, you should be taken care of.